How To Get Jen to the Gym
Step 1: Wake up early. Set your alarm for an hour before you would usually wake up so you can start your day right with endorphins and adrenaline.
Step 2: Commit to not showering right away by lying in bed watching Game of Thrones. Remember, you woke up an hour early, so it’s okay.
Step 3: Watch another episode because, dammit, you’re actually starting to like Jaime Lannister.
Step 4: At this point, you should probably eat instead of waiting any longer. I mean, what’s the point of being healthy if you’re not healthy about it, right? (Pro tip: A cookie for breakfast is okay as long as it is slathered in peanut butter and followed by an orange. Gotta get that protein and vitamin-C.)
Step 5: Locate a sports bra and shorts. Change out of your pajamas.
Step 6: Turn on the radio and posture in front of the mirror in your work out clothes. “Talk dirty to me, unf, unf.”
Step 7: Check the time; sigh.
Step 8: Run various errands. Deposit checks. Develop film. Buy beer. Plan to work out after lunch.
Step 9: Meet friends on the street. Talk about the weather. Tell people you’re going on a run later. The more people who know, the more likely you are to honor your commitment.
Step 10: Return home. Repeat Step 2-4.
Step 11: Take a nap.
Step 12: Wake up; sigh; shower.
Step 13: Promise yourself you’ll go tomorrow. Brush your hair; put on some lipstick; slip into a pair of cute shoes; go out drinking with your friends.